Eyes Wide Shut
by foxy crimefighta
Summary: it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality. —Kairi, Tidus, and one very rejected Hayner. happy birthday to Kailey!


eyes wide **SHUT . .. . ... .. ... .**

- × -

**oh. well, imagine ...**

- × -

All in all, it was Tidus' job to stand in corners and watch. He was the photographer, and as such could not be expected to be _part_ of the memories, only to capture them on film; he could never, truly, be there, he could only pretend to be part of the background and observe the world's incredible events unfold. That's how things were, and how things were going to be, and Tidus hated it. He hated watching watching but never living, flashing his camera but never actually being in the picture.

- × -

Living life to the fullest, Kairi was getting married today.

It was spontaneous and supposedly unexpected, but everyone knew it would happen: Hayner and Kairi were probably the least likely couple anyone could think of (she was optimistic, cute, sweet -- he was loud, obnoxious, rebellious -- she was a princess and he looked like a DUCK .. !) but opposites attract, in any case (or however that saying goes) and people were happy for them all the same. Except --

- × -

Tidus tried to be. He really did, he tried to be excited that his best friend was getting married to the man she _surely_ loved and adored and cherished with all her heart, but that was just it. The _man she loved_, and it wasn't him.

He had never told her about his crush (his teensy-weensy crush, his big enormous crush, his huge freakin' crush with confetti and parades and a chorus of angels and a chocolate fountain -- yeah, that crush), not ever, because he'd dated so many girls but not the only one that meant something (everything) to him. So many girls, but none of them came close to her.

And when he hears that he's dated too many (other) girls and waited too long (you coward) and holy crap she's getting MARRIED -- he feels like crying but he can't (look alive! look happy!) so that's a bust.

- × -

_London Bridge is falling down, falling down, falling down. London Bridge is falling down, my fair lady._

It's Kairi's favorite nursery rhyme, it always had been, and she hums it to herself as she applies mascara in the full-length mirror. Olette had offered to put it on for her (maybe 'offered' was the wrong word – perhaps 'begged' would do her more justice) but Kairi had politely refused. It all felt like other people were doing_ everything_; decorating the cake, picking out the dress, deciding who was on the guest list, doing up her hair elaborately how they saw fit .. there was nothing left for _Kairi_ to do. It _was _her wedding, after all, but it seemed as though it were everyone _else's_ wedding, and she was just their marionette designed to fill a role.

Like a doll. Like she was a doll, and they dressed her and braided her hair and decided she was going to marry _this_ doll, and she couldn't do a thing about it. No matter if she hated dresses or she hated her hair in braids or she _hated_ her fiancé.

In all actuality, she didn't particularly _hate_ Hayner, but the utterly compelling feeling was there regardless. She certainly hadn't decided on her own to marry him. So used to having her parents choose her life, she hadn't a chance to think twice when they told her, "Guess what, Kairi? We found the _perfect_ husband for you .."

They said those life-changing, mind-blowing words as if it was just another decision. _"Guess what, Kairi? We found the _perfect_ shoes for you .." "Guess what, Kairi? We found the _perfect _game for you to play!"_

It all went downhill from there.

Kairi had sat and watched her life being rolled out for her on a red carpet, pretending because she had never learnt how to do anything else. It was time for a change.

Putting on mascara by herself suddenly made her feel a bit smug. _See what happens when the doll resolves to make her own decisions._

It might have seemed ridiculous, but Kairi didn't care. She didn't even want to be here. It wasn't truly her wedding, it was her parent's.

_London Bridge is falling down, my fair lady._

- × -

It is with these thoughts in mind that she prances down the corridor, intent on making her wedding night fully and completely hers, and she smiles hugely, suddenly in very high spirits.

- × -

"Shh! Shh! Here she comes!"

And there she goes, beaming and tip toeing down the hall and glancing into various rooms to see how everyone was doing.

"What a beautiful wedding!" someone whispers and Kairi knows the voice as belonging to her sister and bridesmaid Naminé. She giggles delightedly, giddy like a five year old with a new toy (not one of those stupid toys either, that just sit there and look dumb and don't do anything, but a cool new toy with gadgets and loud noises and a sombrero too because those are the awesomest things in the world) and chocolate to boot.

"Yeah, but it's a shame --" and she peeks her head down the opposite hall to hear them better, but the waiter is cut off as he turns around and sees her and smiles, and Naminé does too and runs up to hug her.

- × -

Everyone else knew about Tidus' infatuation, everyone else except the only two people that the information would be of some use to.

_The princess and the duck, _he thought bitterly and plastered an obviously fake smile on his face, stepping into the church gingerly like the whole structure would fall down if he was any more forceful and licking his lips because they were so dry he thought they might've fallen off soon. The camera was, of course, ever-present at his side (it never left – his burden, dragging him down, forcing him into the shadows and never letting him have the spotlight).

His face is redder than the roses he carried (he planned on giving them to her later) and his palms are sweaty and his fists are clenched, because he passes by a room and sees the groom-to-be in front of a mirror, fixing his bowtie. Tidus wishes Hayner would trip and fall and have seven years of bad luck, and he wishes and wishes and hopes and dreams and imagines and prays because that's all he's got left to pray for.

- × -

After untangling herself from her sister and promising to dance with her at least once at the reception, Kairi's off to find her best friend forevers with a pinky promise since the fourth grade. He's late as always and he was _supposed_ to be here fifteen minutes ago, and she pouts a bit but doesn't mean it because Tidus is Tidus and probably just got his head stuck in a pot or something.

Remembering her earlier resolve, she smiles a tiny bit. Her parents had never picked Tidus out for her. In fact, they had before told her (drilled it into her mind) that, in their own opinion, Tidus was a scruffy, no-good, impolite rogue. Tidus was her only escape from her cramped and perfect dollhouse. Tidus was a breath of fresh air, something different from routine.

Now, where _has_ that boy gone off to?

Oh, never mind, there he is now and he looks a bit upset, too. She goes up and asks him what the matter is, he turns with a "huh?" and immediately brightens up but he never was good at hiding his feelings, they overflow and tumble pouring out of him, out his mouth and ears and _eyes_, most of all.

She asks him again and looks into his eyes, not their usual clear blue ocean, now storm cloudy gray and she knows.

- × -

He shifts the camera (she doesn't even notice it anymore – the camera is as much a part of Tidus now as his untamed, wind-blown blond hair; his bright, wide grin – but wait, the grin isn't there and she thinks maybe it hasn't been for a while, maybe she just never noticed) to his other side and hands her the roses and mutters, "For you," but that doesn't distract her all for a good half a minute in which she blushes and exclaims _thank you!_ until she's back and thoroughly unnerving him.

"Tidus, tell me what's wrong!"

"Nothing's wrong, Kai!"

Again and again, nothingiswrongnothingnothingnothingnothingnothing, and he's irritated that no matter how many times he's said he's fine, she doesn't believe him and he doesn't believe himself and it doesn't become true.

She starts crying and

- × -

He's rather taken back, standing there looking awkward like he's not sure what to do. Kairi's never cried much before but she sure is now, bawling on the verge on hysterics and even _she_ isn't sure why, maybe it's the stress and maybe it's the frustration and maybe it's the _uncertainty _of it all, the whole thing. Her high spirits are diminished as abruptly as they appeared. She doesn't want to be here. It_ isn't her wedding._

She hardly feels his arms when they wrap around her waist, doesn't hear the soft and slightly uneasy whispers of reassurance.

It isn't working, if anything she's crying louder and feeling slightly ridiculous, he lifts her chin and forces her to look into his eyes like they do in all those romance-y movies she used to drag him to.

She sniffs a bit and murmurs something so quietly he can't hear. _come again_ and she giggles a little and points to his collar and says, like she's trying to sound distressed, "I snotted on you!"

- × -

Kairi's got the most angelic, beautiful smile in the world

- × -

He leans closer to her and attempts to redo her smudged makeup

- × -

She isn't crying any more, his eyes are blue

- × -

Staring at him, it's her wedding night but it's _not_ hers

- × -

Tidus had always been her escape route

- × -

and he doesn't know why he did it, he doesn't know why he kept leaning closer and closer, he doesn't know why he kissed her

- × -

He knows exactly why he kissed her. He _doesn't_ know why she's kissing him back, after the initial frozen shock and she tastes like strawberries and cream and chocolate all mixed into one, like heaven. The camera drops to the floor, ignored and forgotten next to the bouquet of roses. He kisses her harder and she gasps a bit and

- × -

"Wha - _Kairi?_"

The voice isn't his and it certainly isn't hers, and he thinks that maybe, when he looks at the blonde before him, his prayers have come true for once. Hayner definitely isn't having good luck today, looking like slightly less of a duck and more of a penguin in his tuxedo and perfectly fastened bowtie.

- × -

**... this calls for a toast so pour the champagne!**

x**x**x ---- _fin_.

( **an** ) ¤. this was so much fun to write, even though I had a bit of a hard time with third person. xD and verb tenses confusion. oh well. probably my last kh fanfiction for a while too.

**le dedicated to – **

**kailey . ... .. . ... . ♥**

... WOW. you are simply _amazing,_ my dear. i have nothing to say, because words just cannot describe how wonderful a friend you are. like, HOT 'N SPICY BEANS, hun, but** better**.

I love you to bits.  
_h a p p y e a r l y b i r t h d a y :  
_couldn't wait any longer to post your present. :D

also, I'll give you three guesses on which movie I watched last night, eh? (:  
one enormous hint: it's your angsty-romance obsession. O:

**i don't own squat.**

oh yeah. almost forgot. go and join caitlan, rachie and my three-way tidus fan club! like, NOW. xD

(wowee I'd pretty much forgotten about that altogether)

& thankies to caitlan&felia for looking over this. **♥**

honestly, fey, without you I'd be completely toast. you helped so much, & I'm incredibly hopeless. o:  
I know I haven't sent the final thing to you, but I'm pretty sure I did everything you suggested .. at least I tried, no:D


End file.
